An introvert, in the wild.

Introverts live differently than extroverts. Not surprisingly, they also travel differently. Trust me, I know.

Peeking, Istanbul, Turkey

Sophia Dembling, Confessions of an Introverted Traveler:

Introversion and extroversion are inborn traits, and the difference between them is not that one is gregarious and at ease in the world and the other shy and awkward. Rather, extroverts are outwardly motivated and gain energy from interaction with the outside world while introverts are more inwardly directed and drained by interaction with others. Introverts’ thinking tends to be deep and slow, we require copious time alone, we prefer probing conversation to shallow chitchat, and our social lives are geared more towards intimate one-on-one interactions than “more the merrier” free-for-alls.

To add, Jonathan Rauch, Caring for Your Introvert:

… introverts are people who find other people tiring.

Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. … In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially “on,” we introverts need to turn off and recharge. … This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: “I’m okay, you’re okay—in small doses.”

A traveling life, especially one spent in the halls of hostels around the world, is easier for extroverts. But the joy of traveling is still accessible to introverts; Sophia Dembling, in an article worth reading in full, Six Tips for Introverted Travelers:

1. Be open to conversation when it’s offered.

… In her book Introvert Power, psychologist Laurie Helgoe points out that introverts generally prefer deep conversation to superficial chitchat. I’m never afraid to turn conversations to to the subject of worldview, personal goals, politics and other Deep Thoughts.

Regular, daily, social chit-chat doesn’t come easy to introverts. I don’t think extroverts truly understand this.

Introverts (well, at least me) get bored by the typical conversations about past exploits and future destinations; but we’re ready for the deeper explorations of cultural and economic differences that travel helps create. Just not all the time…

Trails, Istanbul, Turkey

Continuing…

2. Don’t be shy about ending an encounter when you’re ready.

A lot of times, random conversations lead to invitations to parties, to travel companionship, to meet others. … Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to say “no” if you’re not feeling it. Then again, say “yes” sometimes, too. You never know.

“Saying yes” is one of the keys to creating serendipity; figuring out when to say “yes” and “no” to optimize for serendipity is particularly important for introverts, part of the constant battle to balance one’s time between expending and recharging social energy.

(And to be clear, I like raucous good times. Just not every night.)

3. Carry a book.

… I always carry a book when I travel for when I need to create a quiet place for myself. Travel is wonderful and exhausting and over-stimulating. Sometimes I need to escape into the tranquility of reading.

A book, a camera, a pad of paper and a pen, the tools for a happy day.

Give me a computer with an Internet connection, and that’s bliss for a couple days.

Targets, Hagia Sophia, Istanbul, Turkey

Continuing…

4. Develop the art of sitting and watching.

In her book, Helgoe talks about the French term “flâneur” (feminine, “flâneuse”). It translates literally to “idler or loafer,” but the poet Charles Baudelaire defined it as a passionate observer. Yes, yes! I am a flâneuse. I love just sitting and watching people doing what they do, and even more so when I travel.

If there were truly any doubts, yes, I am a flâneur, of a sort. Done and done.

5. Take a walking tour or, even better, hire a guide yourself.

I have found this controlled interaction is a great way to get some conversation in with a local. …

Honestly I’ve never had the desire to hire a guide. Give me a map, point me in the right direction and I’m much happier to amuse myself with whatever I see and find.

Private Wishes in Public, Sofia, Bulgaria

Continuing…

6. Take the downtime you need.

I’m not opposed to traveling with others—a good travel companion is a joy and an extroverted companion can make connections for you on the road. But I’m also not shy about eking out time to myself as necessary.

The short intersections of time and place shared by travelers simply aren’t conducive for softly educating people about what introverts need; frankly both introverts and extroverts suffer from an inability to communicate about their preferred ways to travel and live.

But hopefully this will help…

—

i. Links via Jason Kottke
ii . Related reading: Party of One: the Loner’s Manifesto

Posted August 29th, 2009 in Adventure, Photography. Tags: bulgaria, extrovert, introvert, istanbul, photo, sofia, travel, turkey.

Hello, I'm Taylor Davidson.

I'm an early-stage VC and a photographer. If you liked this post, please subscribe to this blog. For more like this, check out the archives, and follow me on Twitter @tdavidson.

http://summerplum.wordpress.com summerplum

It may surprise you to learn I am very much an introvert. These tips are great… I get great swaths of alone time, which allows me to be the bubbling social creature people sometimes think of me as. However, often, at parties, eventually you'll find me tucked away with one person (or my netbook) so I can get some recharge.

When I'm out, I find it interesting how people assume that if I'm working on my laptop that I'm open to conversation. Sometimes, I'm just hiding from the rest of the world.
http://thestrategyblog.com Will Dearman

Great for another great post, Taylor! I'm an introvert and though I try really hard to appear extroverted, a few hours full of people is really tiring. I think few extroverts understand just how so. In my upcoming travels, I will be sure to say yes more often, strike up some interesting conversations and of course stay in hostels.
http://twitter.com/sloane Sloane Berrent

You're an introvert?!?

These tips are great, for extroverts too. I always carry a book, journal, pen, camera, map, water, and either extra shirt or towel (to lay down in a park for awhile if I want). I like the idea of not knowing when I'll be back to my hostel/hotel/B&B/boutique inn/guesthouse.

But I'm with you – I don't like hiring guides either. I figure if there are things I really want to know about, I can read about them later.

When I'm by myself, I just go with the flow, if people start talking to me and I like them and we get along, I'll hang out for a beer or go to the next destination. If not, I politely excuse myself. I find us travelers/nomads who have been going for awhile understand that ebb and flow of the road.

Hope you're enjoying Romania!
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

Not surprised; I try not to make uninformed judgments with misguided heuristics :)

How I hide from people at parties is a story better told another day…
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

It's funny how introverts try to learn to be extroverted; do extroverts try to learn to be introverted?

(one of these days I'll complete a draft post on my favorite hostels around the world. one of these days…)
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

Paying someone to show me around when I'd rather be exploring it by myself has always seemed the height of foolishness :)

Finding that “flow” takes time, experience; I can think back to past trips where I've forced it, or lost it, or reveled in it. What tips do you have for understanding that ebb and flow? What signs (external and internal) do you use to help you make decisions on when to continue the path or change directions?
CathD

I really enjoyed this post. I also recharge my energy by being alone. Where it gets tricky is that my husband is an extrovert and recharges by being with other people. So traveling together (and even just living together when we're not traveling), it took us a few years to work out that we needed to each go at our own pace and join the social engagements we felt like joining and give each other permission to not do everything together. I'm happy to meet up with people for up to 3 engagements over a weekend, and he goes to the rest without me while I chill and recharge my energy by being alone. When we're on the road this gets a little more tricky, but since we know our needs and don't place any pressure on each other to “be like me,” we can adjust along the way and both enjoy the trip.
http://www.uncorneredmarket.com/ Audrey

Thanks for this post – it was fun. I'm an extrovert traveling with an introverted husband. He occasionally turns into a night owl on the trip – this is what happens when he doesn't get enough alone time to himself during the day to recharge his batteries from the regular routine of talking with locals and other travelers. I find that I've become more introverted during the trip – I crave time when we're alone and able to work or just be without talking to people all the time.
http://twitter.com/dvdsweeney David Sweeney

Great post. I'm an INTJ and until I learned more about myself through the Buckingham book “Now Discover Your Strengths” (my top 3 = Intellection, Input, Learner) I thought there was something wrong with me.

Anyway. When I travel I usually bring a book that uses the place I'm traveling as its source or backdrop. I've found that a non-fiction novel works best. It helps me enjoy my travels from another internal perspective. Not a big surprise given my top three strengths…
http://twitter.com/sloane Sloane Berrent

I don't know if you can ever really understand ebb and flow. I still mess it up from time to time. The other day I found this amazing market and I really thought “Oh I should some gifts for family here” but I was tired, it was a long day and then I thought “No, I'll just come back later.” Well there was no later and now I'm not in Bangkok anymore and the moment passed. And really, I know better. I know when you stumble on something good you have to take advantage and yet I ignored that instinct to stay.

That being said, what I am good at is stopping the car, getting off the bus, stepping off the train when I see a town or something I want to explore. That gut feeling like “I want to take a picture here” that feeling I'm in better control of.

So maybe my advice is to know what you're strong points are and what your weaknesses are – acknowledge them and work on them – but don't beat yourself up when you're wrong or miss out because when traveling we're dealing with a lot of emotions at once and it's hard to get it “right” every time.
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

Interesting to compare your response to Audrey's comment; a little partner role reversal, but similar, open-minded, balanced give-and-take responses to making sure each partner gets the time to charge their energy in their own ways. I have other friends who have created and strengthened relationships in similar ways, simply because travel forces people to engage, communicate and negotiate; there's no hiding from the daily, minute decisions when we're out of our routines :)
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

As I noted to Cath, interesting role reversal between the two of you. Has the shift to being “more introverted” come from the trip, or just from your relationship with your husband?
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

I personally found Party of One: the Loner’s Manifesto helpful to understanding introversion; although I would add that I've become less introverted over time … trust me, ask my friends :)

“Books as backdrop”; I'm not sure why, but I often select books that contrast with my surroundings, simply for the diversity of experiences. For example, on past trips I read books about Artic explorations while in Spain, I read books about Patagonia and Australia while in Alaska, and tons of non-fiction on many, many other trips. Paul Theroux's books about train travel have been constant companions on road trips, and I read Bill Bryson's books and the great road trip stories while on train journeys through Europe when I was younger.

But that's just me, I suppose :)
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

I'm usually pretty good at taking opportunities when they present themselves (especially when taking pictures), but only because I've learned through my (many) mistakes over time. Hopefully you've learned that lesson less times than me! :)

My biggest mistakes come when my mind creates an alternate reality separate from what is happening in front of me; slowing it down, reciting “be here now”, reminding myself that things usually work out, my mantras for a life that simply has too many decisions not to get a couple wrong :)

Which brings us to the paradox of choice; your response to flee from an amazing market is perfectly natural, the mind's natural response to the stress of decisions. In fact, just today I talked to a fellow traveler about his own, very similar, experience in Istanbul's Grand Bazaar; you're not alone…

And a brief side note: I'm pretty good at getting on the bus; not quite as good at knowing exactly where it's going :) Example: http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/2007/05/1…
http://thestrategyblog.com Will Dearman

The introvert side of me is really enjoying the links to your older work. I don't even have to ask and I get great stories I can the internalize :)

Speaking from experience, I think your Puerto Vallarta story is reasonably common for us INTJs. We decide how the world is (not necessarily the same as the real world) and go in that direction. Sometimes we end up on the wrong bus (or in my case train) going the entirely wrong direction. When we rationalize the experience, it may be the misleading labeling or inaccurate maps we blame. Your mantra “be here now” is really valuable… If we were present with our eyes open and engaged with others we might not make so many mistakes, but then we wouldn't be introverts. :)
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

That's an interesting perspective; this focus helps us create desire paths, but it also creates serious blind spots. Time, experiences, lessons and luck help, but it's a constant learning process.

Perhaps we need extroverts to help us learn :)
Marc Vermut

Have to disagree wholeheartedly (but with reservations) on hiring a guide while traveling. The most interesting and local experience I've ever had was with a guide in Dali, China, who stopped by his parents' house, in which we received a tour and education on orchids and thieving in that part of China, then took us to a very local Ma restaurant (tasty, but otherwise inaccessible to random tourists) and tailored our explorations to our interests, while providing a depth of information, lore and cultural facts not otherwise obtainable on our own or in tour books (e.g. that China often rebuilds Buddhist temples and monasteries for tourists without disclosing the true age/authenticity).

So, I'd say, with the right guide, the right directions/relationship, in the right place, you can experience more and more deeply.
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

Hmm. I've never really hired a guide (other than a) a auto-rickshaw driver in Jaipur, more transport than a guide, who took me to meet his family at 5 AM and then drove me around all day until he got a bit tired at 4 PM and b) a guide for a group of us in Beirut who turned into more of a friend for a week than a guide); so, if I'm open to spending energy (and time) on a guide, what should I look for in hiring a guide? What kind of places / situation / experiences are the best for using guides?

I will give that a guide can truly help create great experiences (just as having friends and making friends on trips helps us enrich experiences, connect with locals, etc.), but I've never been able to find a good guide myself…
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

And one question: how can one get great local information without needing an unknown personal companion (a guide)? “Local information” can't replace the “local's mind” at one's side, but it's a step in the right direction…
Marc Vermut

Well to the first, we were only so lucky, because our trip was organized by a professional travel organizer (friend of the family) who had deep relationships in the cities we traveled to. That may take some serendipity out of the equation, but our daily schedules were flexible with good guides. And we stayed in cities/towns and facilities that matched our desired experience.

As to local information, well, language becomes a problem, but I'd think there are a number of websites for each geography that provide “local information,” though of a temporal nature (e.g. LA Weekly events section and reviews).
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that a fellow traveler I met here in Bucharest raved about a guide who ran a free walking trip in Prague, great commentary, history, a non-local with the insight of a local and the comparison base of years of worldwide traveling.

… thanks for starting my mind a bit :)
http://www.readflyoveramerica.com/ Sophia

Hi fellow introverts.

I love it when you link to my work, but picking it up and pasting it into your blog posts is not so nice. As a photographer, I know you understand copyright.

Just sayin' …

Sophia Dembling
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

Sophia: Thanks for writing the articles, I really enjoyed them both, insightful, practical and thought-provoking. It's pretty easy to tell from the comments on your site and the comments here that you really hit a nerve with many people. Thank you.

And yes, I understand copyright.

btw, I found your articles via links and an excerpt by Jason Kottke, who is great at finding interesting bits from around the web…

Thanks for dropping by!
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

In any case, I shortened the citations, hope that makes you feel better. Loved your article, and thank you for helping many of us introverts.
http://www.One-Giant-Step.com/ Gillian

A timely post for me Taylor. I've been running an 'Introverted Traveler' post around in my head for the last 6 weeks or so. Since we started our trip 3 months ago I have noticed a definite sticking to our introverted tendencies. I had thought that maybe we would 'step out' a bit more than we are but I've come to terms with it. Your thoughts and resulting comments are all interesting. cheers!
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

I'm sure many people would be interested in that peek behind your travels; and btw it's good to see you guys traveling. I remember all your planning and preparation posts, and it's good to see your topics move to the fun parts of travel like overnight buses :)
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/2009/11/03/making-myself-uncomfortable-a-zombies-journey/ Making Myself Uncomfortable (A Zombie’s Journey) | Taylor Davidson

[...] off, an important point: I’m an unquestioned introvert, and I’m not an exhibitionist. I’ve never liked Halloween; I’ve always loved to [...]
mstravelingpants

Interesting new topic. I have studied quite a bit about the M-B test. I too am an introvert, but I can function as an extro as well. I think your tips are great…whether a book or iPod…escape is a survival trait of any intro.

Ms Traveling Pants
http://www.mstravelingpants.travel
@MsTravelingPant
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

Thank you; but please remember a lot of the tips are from Sophia
Dembling, the author I quoted in the post…
http://www.mstravelingpants.travel MsTravelingPants

Interesting new topic. I have studied quite a bit about the M-B test. I too am an introvert, but I can function as an extro as well. I think your tips are great…whether a book or iPod…escape is a survival trait of any intro.rnrnMs Traveling Pantsrnhttp://www.mstravelingpants.travelrn@MsTravelingPant
http://www.taylordavidson.com/writing/ Taylor Davidson

Thank you; but please remember a lot of the tips are from SophiarnDembling, the author I quoted in the post…
http://www.thecausemopolitan.com/take-5-newsletters-i-love/ Take 5: Newsletters I Love – The Causemopolitan

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